Thursday, February 5, 2009

I know, I know

I know that I said I was done feeling sorry for myself and I would no longer be bitter. I think in the past week I have done really well with that.

However, today was a little tough. I was cleaning house (my dad is coming to stay for a couple of days and I wanted to hide all pregnancy related materials. I haven't been able to tell my dad about the miscarriage, he already has a lot going on with the rest of my family) and I came across my pregnancy week by week book and the Chicken Soup for the Grandparents Soul that I had bought for the in-laws.

I had planned on giving them the book as the last present on Christmas Day. It was still wrapped and the wrapping paper was a little torn where I had just thrown it in a basket. It was so hard not to cry thinking about how that day should have gone. The look of joy and surprise on their faces. My mother in law crying and just repeating "really?" with excitement in her voice.

Instead I spent the day trying not to cry and separating myself from everyone. I had only lost my baby a mere 24 hours prior. I didn't know how else to act and respond to people.

Oh well, I guess I still have the book for when it does work out like it should.

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