Sunday, February 22, 2009


Erik's grandpa died last night. Now we are waiting to see when the funeral is so we can book a flight to Nebraska. I feel horrible because Erik has never had anyone in his family die before. This is only the second person that he knows that has passed away. It is hard watching him figure out how to deal with it. I don't know what to say to him so I just react to however he is acting.

Here's to hoping the rest of 2009 goes well.

Thursday, February 19, 2009


"For this child I prayed and the Lord hath granted me my petition which I asked of him" 1 Samuel 1:27

"But if we hope for what we do not have we wait for it patiently" Romans 8:25

"but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5

"In this world, you will have many troubles. But take heart! For I have overcome the world." John 16:33

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:13-16

“Let HIM have all your worries and cares, for HE is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you” 1 Peter 5:7

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


Ok, I am sure my vent might piss people off and I will just say in advance, sorry but this is how I am feeling. And with that...

I know that TTC for a whole 3 months and getting BFNs every cycle is hard and you just want to be pregnant already, but give me a fucking break. I was doing ok with these comments after 6 months of trying, and then after 8 months and then 1 year. A year of trying and I was ok with the comments (annoyed but able to deal).

After my m/c I find myself being very annoyed at people that say "it seems like it is taking forever" and it has been 2 cycles. I want to grab them be the sholders, shake them and yell at the top of my lungs to "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

With that, I know it sucks that it doesn't happen right away for some people, and I know it sucks when everyone around you is getting pregnant. Just wait for those people who were announcing they were pregnant to actually be giving birth and you still aren't pregnant, then come and complain to me.

Thanks for letting me vent.


Well, I have made it to cd11. I have been testing with OPKs for the past few days. I couldn't contain myself and started using them. I don't know how long my cycle is since I have never had a "regular" cycle before. I have to say, the test line is starting to at least show up a little faster today. I am hoping by Friday I will be seeing a positive line.

I have also been temping and Holy Freaking Rollercoaster Batman! It is up and down all over the place. Oh well.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Yeah I know

Yeah I know, it has been a while. I haven't been updating for a week.

I worked some overtime tonight. Little extra cash isn't bad. Next pay check will be nice with the overtime and holiday pay. Can't wait.

I am trying my hand at temping again. It is driving me crazy. I am testing at the same time each day and they are all over the place. I don't know what is going on. I am also trying OPKs. I think I started using them way to early for this cycle, but I don't know what my "normal" cycle is. I talked to the RE and it sounds like I will be starting Clomid with the next cycle. I am excited and scared.

Anyways...that has been my week.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Ow, ow, ow!

Ouch! My back hurts. It is a sharp pain in my lower lest back area. Kind of in this region here :::waving hand around back area:::

I am so glad that today is Friday. Well. I know it is not really Friday, but it is for me. Three days off and not a thing to do. Hmmm....I must come up with something to do.

Monday, February 9, 2009


Finally! After 6 long weeks and a couple of false alarms, George (see below post) has finally come over. It is for real this time people!

I had my follow up appointment today with my OB/GYN for my D&C. It went well. She said everything should be fine. She is so caring and such a wonderful person. I can't speak highly enough of her.

Anyhoo...that's about it here.

Saturday, February 7, 2009


::::head to desk, and repeat::::

Again, I know I am not feeling sorry for myself, but there are constant reminders all around.

My dad and step-mom came into town last night. My SM was asking about how many children in the neighborhood and since we have such a young neighborhood we will probably all have kids around the same time.

Then they were talking about my little sister who just had her second. Then there was talk about my dumbass brother and his five (yes I said five).

Then at dinner there was an extremely pregnant girl that kept waddling back and forth in front of me. "Hey lady, I get it! Your pregnant! Sit your ass down or go waddle somewhere else!" And then there was the mom with 2 little girls waiting to be seated. Apparently mom just found out she was pregnant and it was all the girls could talk about.

Talking to my friend last night was good. She is having problems to and the doctors don't really seem to be listening to her. I sympathize because I know how she feels.

As far as I go, I had my D&C 5 1/2 weeks ago. It will be 6 weeks on Tuesday, and I still haven't seen George (AF see below posts). It is so frustrating. I am still spotting and when I do stop, it picks up again. It is like a constant reminder of my failure. The reason that I went with the D&C is because I didn't think I could manage to wait for it to happen naturally. I just wanted it over. Now is seems like it will never end.

Oh well...doctors appointment is on Monday, I guess we will wait and see.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

I know, I know

I know that I said I was done feeling sorry for myself and I would no longer be bitter. I think in the past week I have done really well with that.

However, today was a little tough. I was cleaning house (my dad is coming to stay for a couple of days and I wanted to hide all pregnancy related materials. I haven't been able to tell my dad about the miscarriage, he already has a lot going on with the rest of my family) and I came across my pregnancy week by week book and the Chicken Soup for the Grandparents Soul that I had bought for the in-laws.

I had planned on giving them the book as the last present on Christmas Day. It was still wrapped and the wrapping paper was a little torn where I had just thrown it in a basket. It was so hard not to cry thinking about how that day should have gone. The look of joy and surprise on their faces. My mother in law crying and just repeating "really?" with excitement in her voice.

Instead I spent the day trying not to cry and separating myself from everyone. I had only lost my baby a mere 24 hours prior. I didn't know how else to act and respond to people.

Oh well, I guess I still have the book for when it does work out like it should.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


So for dinner tonight I made spaghetti. It was very yummy. And of course if you have spaghetti, you have to have garlic bread (kind of sounds like, If You Give A Mouse A Cookie).

When I make my garlic bread I start with a loaf of fresh french bread. Then I smear butter all over it. I grind up garlic, olive oil, and Italian Seasoning in my mini food processor (best wedding gift ever) and I smear that all over. Then pop it under the broiler for a few minutes. YUM!

Well...I put a lot of garlic on it tonight. It was still good, but it WOOHHH!!! it was a lot of garlic.

I think tomorrow night we will go All-American-simple food. Hot dogs and french fries.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Ute juicing

It has been 5 weeks since my D&C. Other than a brief 2 day break in the middle, I have been spotting since then. 5 weeks!!!

So today I I was able to go a full day without a pad or anything. it was fantastic! I felt normal again. And then....I went to the gym with my friend. She likes to do this back workout machine (I don't know what it is called) and of course I tried it out.

My new name for the machine is the Uterus Juicer. It felt like my ute was being squeezed and of course what happens when I get home? I am spotting again. This better be George (AF...see post below) showing up for real now.

Monday, February 2, 2009


I have tomorrow off. I completely forgot that I took tomorrow off. There is nothing going on and I really don't have a reason for the time off other than needing to take my XTO instead of a furlough.

I think I am going to sleep in. Then have lunch with Meriah and after that get my house clean so I don't have to do it later this week.

I was so happy today knowing that I don't have to go back to work until Sunday at 1200! Yeah!!